Oblivion
Studies
V1 et V7
peintures à la lumière d'une seule bougie
J
From a letter to John May 2004....
....
I met my friend The Bobcat.
He spent his winter sleeping under my bedroom’s window (it is a high window, just over my bed on the mountain side of the house).
Until now, I knew only his presence.
I could feel him almost every night, protecting my sleep, warming up his body against my window, taking the warmth from my breath.
Truly, I knew each time he was here; I just had to open my eyes and could admire his fluorescent eyes in the night. It was like he re-designed my universe dropping these two stars, for my eyes only, two stray souls watching at me, the two sides of him, a little bit of his rough cruelty and a little bit of his secret gentleness.
Many mornings I could see only his muzzle glued to the window and the steam coming in and out from his nose while the rest of his body was buried under snow.
So couple days ago, when I saw him trusting, it was a great moment.
Tenderly looking at each other, none of us was scared because we knew who we were.
I sat and started drawing peacefully to let him come closer.
He approached yard by yard and after an hour I could have touched him.
Then I stopped and just looked at him, seated, waiting, my arms crossed over a bended knee.
Little bit protective maybe. It can be just some feminine coquetry or a deep shyness from being flustered by him.
I’m calling “him” because I’m sure he’s a Male.
It’s the way he gazes at me; it feels like a man looks at me; it makes me feel beautiful.
So I talked to him with a very soft and warm voice and I’m sure that he was smiling (closing his eyes from time to time with strong pleased expirations)...
He was purring un-continuously with his baritone tone and if I didn’t know that we had that special bond between us, I could have thought that he was growling at me.
Then I closed my eyes and lay completely, curled up to reproduce our communion connection when we both sleep around each other.
He sat on the hand I offered him and we just laid serenely, eyes closed, slow deep breaths, listening to the shy birds, the crickets and the water running from the stream at my feet.
It felt so good, you have no idea. It is like my heart was overflowing some intense pleasure.
It was a real delight, and just to talk about it, I feel my entire body reacting.
The magic vanished into the air when that neighbor of mine arrived with his big barking German Shepherds.
I never had anything against that guy; I think that he is really cute but should never talk.
That day, I still thought that he was really cute but should never exist. He said something insignificantly nice about my outfit or my hair or both.
I was so choked that I may have answered some evasive polite thanks.
I
think My Bobcat went away, for some summer home.
I feel a little bit sad and happy in the same time.
uliette Bourdier (extrait des petits matins clémentines)
